AN ATTEMPT TO CHARACTERIZE, ANTHROPOMORPHIZE AND OTHERWISE DESCRIBE EVENTS AS THEY PERTAIN TO THE BOSTON RED SOX AND THE GAME OF BASEBALL. IN EFFECT, HERE TO TAKE YOU OUT TO A FEW BALLGAMES.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Game 3, Boston @ Cleveland

So we’re getting going a little late. Apparently blogging is down for the time being. But no worries, I’ve got Microsoft Word. So this will all be added and posted after the game is well underway. In the interest of full disclosure and all. Wouldn’t want to mislead my readers.

A couple of start-off notes (I’ve now paused the DVR as we are already underway):

1. I have the feeling this particular endeavor is going to end up like 80s Jeans. Wide in scope at first and then tapered and tight around the ankles.

2. I hate Tim McCarver. This will be evident rather quickly.

3. Dinner tonight will be DiGiorno Pizza and Mug Root Beer. If I’m lucky, I’ll add a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup to the mix.

4. Occasionally I surmise that life will get in the way. Thankfully I’m fully equipped with DVR. But I will do my best at all times to get back to live action.

5. You’ll have to refresh the page for the updates as I’ll be adding them in. My goal is to do each inning, but we’ll see.

First Inning

Pedrioa strikes out. Nice. Way to make Jake look good.

Kevin “The Greek God of Walks” Youkilis works, of all things, the walk on some questionable pitches. Also, was there a moratorium put on Youk’s moniker bestowed upon him by Billy Beane?

And just like that I hit play again and Ortiz grounds in to the Sick-Really Sick-I hate the shift Double Play. He can do that though. He’s Ortiz. And he ran that one out in the 5th of Game 2. That was huge only to be later overshadowed.

Dice-K makes me feel ambilvalent. I’m not really for him nor am I against him. I’m not confident in his ability, but I’m not un-confident. It’s something like a purgatory really.

And anothergreat defensive play. Sizemore is gone. And thanks to Joe Buck for giving us Step 1, Step 2, Step 3 examples of why that was a great play. Where would the world be without him.

The obligatory “Here’s how good Dice-K was in Japan” stats. Thanks for those Fox. Always Relevant those guys.

For some reason they're talking about Questec and how umps have ERAs. Huh?

End of the inning. Nice K for Dice-K. That was clever on my part.

Second Inning

A couple of things more to add. I'll not be including times only because I'll be employing the DVR, so you'll have to be going by inning.

Secondly, I really like the Jake -- the stadium, not the pitcher -- at least not the latter yet.

Dinner is done. Eating pizza and blogging ought to be interesting.

Manny works the walk. And Lowell registers the single up the gut. Good at bats and something going early. and J.D. Drew is up. Question: if I look at the pitch at home, like he does there, do I end up striking out too?

Garko makes and error. Bases Loaded, Bases Loaded, Bases Loaded. Also, it would be much cooler if Garko had a cooler first name like Trot or Manny or Ichiro. Heck, even Coco. Ryan doesn't do the last name justice.

I just got a text message from my sister. It reads: Unreal. Thing is I'm about 5 mins behind on the DVR at the moment. It's killing me but I'm only catching up in the commercials. I wonder what the message means...

Crap. Double Play. Stupid Text Message.

I'm adding Texting to my list of superstitions. I will no longer check them during the course of a game.

Rolling the Dice. Clever segment by FOX. Those guys...I'm telling you. Though I'm surprised Tim McCarver hasn't said anything stupid yet.

The Mrs. calls. Game paused. DVR time: about 2:30 behind. Run through Isaac's day -- he's sleeping mind you. She'll be home soon, in about an hour. She thinks I'm weird, live blogging and all.

Seriously, still talking about Japan and Dice-K. Nope. Now it's that Garko dude. Seriously, he needs a first name, how about Darko? Too cheesy?

Tim McCarver: "Scouting report on Dice K. When we say different pitches, we mean them." It took 37 minutes, but there it is. Oh, and followed by this lovely reparte:

McCarver: When a catcher has to use his thumb to give signs, it means he has more than four pitches.
Buck: More than five, you mean?
McCarver: [Pauses] No. More than four.
Buck: Oh yeah. You're right.

For those of you watching at home and reading, knowing I'm behind on the DVR, do you take satisfaction in waiting for me to get the point where that happens? Kenny. Lofton. Go steal a base. And J.D. catches that if he wasn't still looking at the pitch. Indians 2-0.

Did Dice-K give up HR's in Japan? Did I miss that informative segment?

Third Inning

And we're back live now to start the inning. So, for the moment, we're in this together.

Why did we stop trying to work the counts? Seriously, that's the only way we're winning this game.

Trivia Question: What do you know, involves Dice-K and Japan.

Seriously, that was a 2-minute half-inning. He threw less than 10 pitches. This does not bode well. We need to start working the counts.

During the commercial break (first one I've been able to watch live), I learned there's a movie coming out that will have me talking about it for days to come. Dear God, days to come! Also, that there's only one October. At least that's what I imagine him saying. Gloriously for us all, he didn't get to that part.

Slight bummer. I'm having to watch the game now in non-HD so that I can DVR How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory. This means I won't be DVRing Samantha Who? tonight so that I only have to spare an hour of HD.

Learned that Asdrubababbel is named after the brother of the Carthenginarien General Hannibal. And here I just thought that was coincidence.

Actually I thought he was misnamed after the cat in the Smurfs.

I didn't get the trivia question right. I guessed Bud Black and Kevin Brown though.

The inning was going along splendidly, then the Smurfs cat got a hit and Pronk is up (named after a donkey, mind you). It's an Animal Farm out there.

And Dice-K seems up to his old tricks. This is the part of his pitching style that makes me ambivalent.

I'm not sure where the umpires strike zone is. In Japan, Dice-K never had this happen, this wide strike zone. What was the umps ERA again?

Not sure how waving towels distracts the pitcher. Evidence: fastball down the middle for a strike. Better luck next time hand towels.

And there's the Dice-K that also makes me ambivalent. The one who throws nasty junk with guys on base. Nice pitch. Risky, but nice. End of the Inning. Still 2-0 Indians. Tribe. Whatever you want to call them.

Up next, Big Papi, Manny and Lowell.

Fourth Inning

Commercial: Do we really need to anthropomorphize Whoppers? And is that anthropomorphizing or personification?

So I watched Hard Ball with Keanu over the weekend. Nice little baseball movie. Heart-felt. Filled with terrible acting along the way. Now, I've always wondered why no highlight reel featuring David Ortiz features the same Notorious B.I.G. "I like it when you call me Big Papa". It's a simple fact that that song should be used.

See, I do like it when you call me big Papa! Lead-off double.

DVR paused. Knocking at the door. Little girl wants to know if I've got a little chiwahah (sic) running rampant in the neighborhood. Apparently it's bothering her. She's really concerned enough to knock people's doors. Not my dog though. And unpause.

Wow. That looked like strike on Manny. Wow.

Cleveland: Are you saying where was that pitch? If so, say it a little louder so I can hear you. I'm slightly deaf in my left ear.

Can't say that happens often. Can't say I've ever EVER seen that. Big Papi was too big. And that might be the last of the Big Papi's too cause of where that ball hit him. Terrible base-running.

BARELY FOUL. See, Cleveland, I heard that gasp then sigh of relief. Much better.

That's not a settling stat. Outside of the 3-4-5 hitters, the Sox are hitting .227. This does not bode well.

Here's the thing about J.D. I like him. I do. I think he'll have a great year next year. It's just troubling to watch him succeed only to immediately falter. And staring at pitches. That has to stop. Nothing infuriates me more. Swing the bat. So far 3 pitches. No swings.

If you're going to swing at a pitch you should actually be watching, don't expect to hit those.

And there we go. Runner(s) squandered. Westbrook isn't pitching particularly well. The Sox are just not picking and waiting for pitches very well.

We're back live now, btw. Also, dinner was well-received. Five pieces of pizza. One sode. No candy only because I ran out of soda and probably should open another one. And, also, I don't hear that chihuaha. I think that girl was a little crazy. Seems like you'd hear a crazed chihuaha reeking havoc on a neighborhood.

Still am not able to figure out the strike zone. Maybe it's because it's not in HD. That's it. If it were in HD I'd be more certain of the strike zone.

Is Gyro ball pronounced Jie-row or is it pronounced Eur-oh. I'm not sure either. It's all Greek to me.

5K's for Dice-K. And no, I don't mean distance either. He's not running, he's pitching. In case you were confused.

Gwen Stefani's Sweet Escape comes over the loud-speakers at the Jake. Sweet Escape? Really? Game 3 of the ALCS seems like something you wouldn't want to escape from. But that's me. Ooo---ooo---ooo.

Commercial: It's LifeHouse vs. John Mellencamp for car ads these playoffs. I give a slight edge to LifeHouse only because they're from the West Coast and a lot of West Coasters get overlooked in the end.

Fifth Inning

It's worth noting that this is a fast moving, good game. Not a lot of excitement, for sure. Also not great pitching. It's honestly like watching a National League game. The crowd doesn't even seem into it.

Even when the hitters are making contact, it's not really going anywhere. The crack of the bat, something that usually gets me to look up, is being drowned out tonight by my typing. Seriously, why look up, the ball's not traveling anywhere.

Three broken bats. Three outs. And to answer Joe's question: Jake has not looked particularly good. The Red Sox just don't look good. But that does not thereby mean that Jake looks good.

Right now, the only thing I'm looking forward to in this game is in 20 minutes I can switch back to HD mode.

They're talking about the Jake-- the park-- right now. I've been there. Went to a Red Sox game two years ago. It's a gorgeous stadium. Easily the best outside of Fenway I've been to. Cozy. Loud. Great fans. Beautiful to look at. A place you want to take the family too. A place you want to watch baseball at.

Uh-oh. Breaking news from the major league baseball ALCS sidelines (are there sidelines in baseball?). GMs. More GMs leaving. This is huge. Good thing we had the FOX guy sequestered down there on the sidelines, gleaning every edge of input the teams are discussing.

Good AB for Casey Blake.

Is there a sign up sheet for Grady's Ladies? Auditions? Health plan?

Question: Is anyone scoring at home? Always wondered that.

Grady Sizemore is a great young player. Runs well. Throws well. Hits well. Eats well. Sleeps okay. Smells funny on Thursday's for some reason. But a great young player. You'll hear quite a lot about him in the next few years.

Tense moments....

3-0. The Smurfs cat got us. Not sure why Pedroia wasn't at double play depth. Seems like he was too shallow on that one. Costs us a run too. And looking at the replay, he clearly was out of position given Dice-K's penchant for groundballs.

And Pronk's up now. Great.

HOLY CRAP WHAT A PLAY!!!! HOW IN THE WORLD WAS HE SAFE. NO FREAKING WAY. HORRIBLE HORRIBLE CALL.

I take back my criticism of Pedroia. That was outstanding. Simply unbelievable. And forget this garbage that tie goes to the runner. You reward the fielder for making a helluva play.

Text Message from sister: He was out. Response: Agreed.

That'll do it for Dice-K. Decent outing. 6K's. 2BB's. Charged with 4 runs though two of them this inning shouldn't have happened. And a ridiculous strike zone at that. But such is. Now we're down 4 runs to the Tribe, Indians, whatever we're calling them. This does not bode well.

I need some energy before I switch back to HD and enjoy Mike Timlin in startling, crisp, clear picture. Grabbing a Gatorade. Fruit Punch flavored.

Wide Strike. I vote FOX Trax to be used in the voting booths at the next election.

Garko. My man! End of the Inning. 4-0 Cleveland after 5 innings. We need a rally badly. We need to hit the ball badly. 12 outs remain. Ugh...tense times right now. Tense times.

Commercial: Love those laughter commercials by AIG. Love them. Isaac laughs like that sometimes. Been unable to catch in on camera. But it adds years and minutes and hours and moments to your life that you are ever so thankful for. A child's laughter is among life's great joys.

Sixth Inning

Bad thing about HD: I can see Jake Westbrook's armpit hair when he winds up.

Finally, a hit for the Red Sox. Let's see if we do anything with it or end up being mesmorized by the armpit hair of one Jake Westbrook.

Maybe Jake is pitching well. 13 of 16 outs on the ground. That's pretty good. Got that sinker working well.

Why is the behind the batter game of the pitcher in film mode? It's distracting. Like Jake's armpit hair. And why are we swinging at 3-0? I never understand that. In slow pitch softball in makes sense because walking when the ball's coming 5 mph at you is semi-embarrassing. But in a playoff game. You take that pitch. Ah well, got a walk anyway.

The wife's home. Expect multiple DVR pausing. Something about a patient thinking her legs are going to explode... great story. Hilarious. Stupid HIPPA keeps me from telling you about it however.

FOX Trax for president. Where is the strike zone? Is that something you can keep track of at home?

Just got a Text Message again from my sister. Vowed not to read this one as I'm 3 mins behind.

2 on. One out. Tense moments. C'mon Manny.

Seems blogging like the Red Sox, is behind. These next few comments will seem dated then. Sorry. It's a free service.

Good AB by Manny. Working the count. Fouling off pitches. Please let this end well.

Geez. Double Freaking Play. Ugh. Seriously, someone tell my sister to stop sending Text Messages.

It's funny, my sister's Texts have a "Live on Purpose For God" line attached to all of them. The amusement is when the text references Manny's use of a curse word at the plate.

And we need to come alive. Perfect opportunity to get something going and Manny falters. This does not bode well.

I've elected to not tape Samantha Who? Will someone let me know if it's good? Preferably not through text messages. This way I can stay in HD mode.

And the Blogger is still down. Sorry. I really am trying to post in real-time.

End of Inning. Indians 4-0.

Seventh Inning

Quickly running out of time. 9 outs remain.

On an up note, I'm winning my Fantasy Football League Game. I'm beating the second ranked team -- I'm number three. So it was a pretty big game and I dominated.

El Capitan!!!!!!!! Leave it to TEK!!!!! Great shot. I thought Lowell's pop-out didn't mean good things for Jake -- the pitcher -- seeing as how sinkerball pitchers don't have pop-ups. And lo and behold Tek takes a sinkerball yard. Here. We. Go.

And straight away center too. What a shot. Let's Go.

Good AB here by Coco. There's a first name for you. And there's a strike out. Great. Fantastic. That's why I eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Good news here is that most likely the heart of the order will be up next inning and facing a new pitcher in a big spot. I like our chances. I like our chances. And it starts with Lugo right there.

So how about I didn't realize Tek's HR was a 2-run shot? How did I miss this? Seems I pulled a J.D. Drew as J.D. Drew got a base-hit. There's irony for you. There's me not paying careful attention.

I'm paying attention now...one on...two outs...Pedroia up. Here. We. Go......

I like our chances...2-2 count now on the ROY....

Way to step out... wait for your pitch... wait for your time...

These long interludes between pitches...welcome to October.

6 outs remain. Gone swinging. But alls in order for the 8th.

I'd try to describe the tension right now. The silence echoing in the room. The bated breaths. The light tapping on the key board. The thoughts focused on the next inning. The next chance. We just have to get to there. But there's no words to capture it. No real, utterable words though. In these moments there's only similies and metaphors and descriptions. No words, or set of words really works. Really captures it.

See that camera man! Swatting bugs away during the sideline report. Hilarious. Not funny: The Midge Masks. How do you do that with a straight face. And where did Chris Meyers come from? And is he on the other sideline from Rosenmenthol-- how many sidelines are there in baseball!!!!!??????

That breaking ball just punctured the o-zone. And, somehow tonight, managed also to puncture the strike zone.

I'll be honest, I'm not listening much to the announcers. I'm pretty sure they're not saying anything though. In fact, they could be passing resolutions for all I know.

Is anyone else shocked that the Devil Rays have never played in the World Series. Most Startling Fact Presented by FOX and probably by Chevy tonight. Easily.

Alright. Joe Buck said it. Big inning. Big. Inning. Oh, and the wife is relaying the exploding leg story to a friend over the phone. It's still funny. And she's telling another doctor. I don't think that violates HIPPA. Seriously, it's a funny story.

Eighth Inning

Does eighth inning looking funny to anyone else? Do I need to include a [sic]? I know it's right but it looks wrong.

BTW the Rockies game is about to start. I won't be blogging that one but depending on the outcome of this one I might try and stay up for the conclusion. I mean 20 out of 21 is pretty freaking impressive and I owe it to the game and the record to pay attention.

Alright. The man they call Yook is up. Apparently he sees more pitchers per at-bat than all active players. It's the inactive ones who are seeing more pitches. Jim Palmer's got him beat in a landslide.

Crap. The ninja turtle Rafael Bet-and-Court is in. He's good. Got good, nasty stuff. No one said this would be easy. But will it be this hard?

And there's film camera again. Surreal really.

Yook Sweat. In HD. Almost as good as armpit hair. Almost.

Nice pitch. 5 outs remain. Good AB though, I suppose. Big out still. For both sides.

This does not bode well. Ortiz rips it to right field. Out. 4 outs left. 2 runs down. We need something fast.

I'm posting at a ridiculous pace. So much nervous energy. So much tension. This is brutal. And I love it. I'd be a great candidate for Opus Dei.

Actually, the correct time, Tribe fans is: 10:12 PM EST. There is no such thing as Tribe Time. It does not exist. It is like the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and Aliens (probably).

3 outs remain. FOX just played some sort of tragic Americana Copeland Military Band type music. Odd choice of song.

Commercial: Person most likely to hold the key to earth's survival: I'm going with key maker. Locksmith if you will. Not decrepit, yet dashing college student.

Sister Text Message: "Do you know the Red Sox team drink. Live on Purpose For God." I do not. Sadly. But I'll certainly have what they're having.

Sister Text Message: "Can you pass a can of CHOKE. Live on Purpose For God." It's a little early for that... I don't consider this a choke, sorry. And it's too soon for joking!

Okajima's pitched relatively well. McCarver's telling me he's not used to working multiple innings. I really hope the hitters don't know that.

No score yet in the Rockies-DBacks game.

Sister Text Message: "They can still come back. I'm just messing with you. I believe. Your nephew was yelling and freaking out. He was talking all kinds of trash." Response: I'm a little sensitive right now.

McCarver: "You wonder what it's going to take to get Gagne back into a game at this point." Answer: Hell. Freezing. Over.

Del-Camino (to quote Mr. Pitt in the Mexican) is throwing junk.

Sister Text Message: "Aww... It's ok. They can come back."

Here we go...Here we go...Here we go...

Ninth Inning

I'm typing in bold for two reasons. One, I can't figure out how to turn it off. Secondly, this is it.

Borowski's pitching. It'll be interesting at least.

Lowell.....Lowell...Ugh. 2 outs remain. This does not bode well....

I promise to watch this J.D. Drew AB. Let's hope he chooses to do the same.

Hey, at least my late local news is coming up....

I'll be honest. I'm sweating right now. Not Yook sweat mind you, but computer sweat from having the laptop on my legs.

And two outs...one remains...

Seriously, wait on pitches with this guy. Make him throw you strikes. He won't. I swear it.

................................so tense.................

How tall do you have to be for that to be a ball??????$%#$%#$%#%

He's throwing balls...I told you.

Good insight there from McCarver. Put it on a tee...great insight.

Lots of leg sweat at the moment....Bordering on Yook sweat.

That's it.

Crap.

so much for my 4,000 words, 3.5 hours, red sox win=priceless end summation. That's all. I'll have more tomorrow...

8 comments:

sara* said...

Are you counting how many times McCarver mentions the Yankees?

It was pretty high Saturday night.

AaronG said...

I'm not trying too. But I noticed that too the other night.

I must admit, I am happy to have him rather than those TBS announcers. So that's not saying much.

sara* said...

chihuahua

AaronG said...

I know, I like my phonetic spelling better. Symbolizes my degree of apathy to the crazed dog reeking havoc and destruction upon my street.

Eric said...

Just letting you know I'm watching along with you. This is kinda fun.

Also, I don't know if you've done this purposefully, but you know that no anons are allowed to comment here, right? Seeing that most of your readers are either anon or family without accounts, you may want to change that.

AaronG said...

Thanks... will do. Consider it done.

Anonymous said...

To my former self,
Today was a tough loss. But if my memory serves me correctly, you'll like what happens over the next few days.

Also, note to self: don't eat the gas station donuts on the way to work tomorrow, they apparently were old and gave me (you) the runs.

Anonymous said...

Thank God for HIPPA...